“The Art of Avoiding Being Seen as a Bully”

, ,

Sadly there are so many pressures every day on people to hit targets, close a deal, bring in the unpaid account money and prove their worth. Organisations are being run like machines where even if you are not normally considered a bully, you are put under great duress to get rid of staff that are deemed “Poor Quality” or made to push your team members  to perform when you already know their personal health or circumstances are already tenuous.

As we recently had “Awareness Week for Bullying” I do wonder how many of us are considered to be one of them? Have you ever wondered who might think that you have that tendency? It is a pattern of behavior between a bully and another worker, which can demoralize, isolate and trigger illness in the target of the bully. How often do you feel very uncomfortable when dealing with co-workers? Are you aware that as messenger you can be seen as part of the organisational culture that supports bullying?

Are you being asked to deal with someone who is over 50 years of age and seen as a liability? Perhaps you know that this is discrimination but feel you need to deliver the message anyway.

Is the person known to be a trouble -maker and you have bought into this without experience or evidence? If you are being asked to treat someone unfairly—- please think about how you would feel if this was being done to you.

Are you not being given the recognition in the workplace as this would mean you would be rewarded a bonus? What has your line manager told you and are the reasons realistic and evidenced?

In my coaching sessions I am hearing more and more of these types of concerns. Difficult conversations need to be had but perhaps if we work within our own set of values there would be less bullying. Being mindful of how we deliver someone else’s message is an art to be developed by most people who hold integrity close to their heart.

The “Art of Avoiding Being Seen as a Bully” is in your hands!


Sustainability of our human assets.

, ,

futureWriting two years ago about the urgent need for appreciation of the human being in the workplace, I wonder how much is changing? I quoted then the  survey by Towers Watson  that suggested that one in three employees faces excessive pressure at work due to long hours and pressure brought on by the economic downturn.According to the research, 26% of British workers said that they have not been taking as much holiday or personal time off over the past three years, while one in five felt that cuts to the workforce had left them with an unreasonable amount of work. In addition to this, 30% of respondents believed that their organisation was under-resourced.

I questioned then the sad fact that fewer and fewer employers were prioritising funding for the real wellbeing of their staff. The Employment packages offering counselling and a few complimentary therapies have seemingly lost their popularity as budgets have also been cut. We ideally would be supporting our employees to take real skills home with them to allow long lasting sustainable health  and wellbeing. We need to talk about a lot more than physical wellbeing. Mental and emotional wellbeing are addressed yes. However the sustainability is not always established. Ongoing eroding of energy and confidence in the workplace is taking its toil.

How do we sustain ourselves?

Crying out to be heard employees are often unheard, as they struggle with depression and anxiety and continue to make it into work. GPs are often supportive but can suggest little more than the above or medications.

We coaches know the real cost to human spirits; the unacceptable levels of pressure handed down by young, success hungry managers who have no respect for the real people behind the job titles. Systems where there is no one really listening!


Talking systems overload


The theme that has been in my mind for a couple of weeks now is due to the recent hurricane in NE USA and the millions of people who were left without power. Can you imagine the dire effects of this on one basic family?

Each night when you return home take note of how many appliances and gadgets are plugged in to your electrical supply. Now how necessary are these to your basic needs? Today I listened to a wonderful talk about how we can save energy in our own homes and offices and I will for sure take up the advice given. I want to live in on a sustainable planet whereby we can always have adequate energy for our basic survival.

I then relate this to the human body and how well we notice and conserve our own energy. It is always about being aware of all the signs and signals that we get. Every system has a fail- safe early warning system. Are you listening to your body and mind? What messages are your emotions giving you? Have you any idea when you might be on overload? If a natural disaster were to hit you how would you be able to cope?

In my talk today I ask if any of these statements apply to you?

Stay focused on just one thing at a time

  • I find it difficult to stay focused on what is happening in the present.
  • I tend to walk quickly to get where I am going without paying attention to what I experience along the way.
  • I tend not to notice feeling of physical tension or discomfort until they really grab my attention with pain.
  • I forget a person’s name almost as soon as I have been told it for the first time.
  • I rush through activities without being really attentive to them.
  • I get so focused on the goal that I want to achieve that I lose touch with what I am doing right now to get there.
  • I do tasks or jobs automatically without being aware of what I am doing.
  • I find myself listening to someone with one ear, doing something else at the same time.
  • I drive places on automatic pilot and then wonder why I went there or how I got there?
  • I find myself preoccupied with the future or the past.

Think about how close you are to being overloaded?

Mindfulness- what is it?


Spend a moment looking at the details that this photo has captured

I have worked, lived and breathed mindfulness ( off and on) for quite a few years and always assumed that my friends and family realised what this meant. Recently a wise friend asked me if I could actually explain what it is and how I have benefited from being mindful? This made me realise that I probably do not explain from my heart when I am trying to encourage others to join my sessions.

I stopped and reflected on how I have benefited and how the changes have been subtle. I am not a Buddhist but appreciate the wisdom from their teachings, I have been taught meditation through my yoga practice and attended many groups over the years. However discovering Mindfulness was like the piece of the jigsaw that had been elusive, but I had not known that until I attended a coaching group where practical mindfulness was being demonstrated.This was over 10 years ago so not now when there has been a sudden surge in interest.

I have always loved life but suffered periods of depression, exhaustion and real physical illness attached to stress. As a young Mum I remember wanting to run away from my life, even for just a day.Yes I am now older, more mature and circumstances have greatly changed but having mindful moments in my life have given me a deep appreciation of the simplest things.

Stopping to sip my tea, mindfully. Setting up a day retreat with materials, symbols and autumn colours, was done with a joy rather than angst that I may have had in the past.

I give myself the gift of a moment on the train to listen; usually from the irritation of mobile conversations but through sitting with it I now can move from external noises to a silent place inside.

Well if this sounds all too simple——-believe me it is not. What I love about Mindfulness is that it can be slipped into your everyday life. This is what the great teachers intended so although we can slip it in, stop our busy minds through focused breathing it also takes a commitment and lots of practice.

What it is, if you choose,is a new way of being in your world and how you practice is unique to you. We can share our experiences together and that is what I would love. If you want to practice together, pick up practical ideas of mindful moments and probably sleep better each night. Then the invitation is open to you.